Hemorrhoids & Nudity - All in One Day! By: Michael Giovanis

Today was quite interesting. I woke up this morning to discover I have hemorrhoids which apparently only old men get. So yeah....fun times. I’m sure all of you are craving details and pictures but I think I will leave you in suspense for the moment.

 

We were still at the Greennbrier Resort in WV, so I joined my family for a tour of…. “THE BUNKER”, which is a formerly super-secret bunker to house all of congress, I’m sure a few people reading this wished only one side was saved, but that’s not really a good idea in the long run. I wouldn’t want to live in a country run by only democrats or a country run by only republicans. It’s located under the resort, which is pretty amazing because I have no idea how someone didn’t accidently stumble in and start playing junior detective. The facility is actually rented out by a secret shadow company named CSXIP now, who officially use the bunker as a data storage area, which is also apparently the reason we couldn’t bring any electronics down with use. It is also the reason they have hazmat suits, self-containing breathing apparatuses and chemical spill cleanup kits hanging around for the workers.  Okay, maybe I started playing junior detective myself, but I am still a little suspicious.  

 

Greenbrier Resort:

 

 

 

 

After the tour we had a frantic half hour of packing and left to drop off my dad at the airport. After dropping my dad off we started our four and a half hour drive to Asheville. Nothing to interesting there, but the scenery was awesome. We also found a giant NASCAR track that can hold 160,000 people, but it was literally 100 miles from the nearest large settlement.

 

Then we arrived in Asheville, our clerk-a man who looked like a rapist slash serial killer-checked us in. My mom decided to take advantage of the disabled and got us a handicapped accessible room because it was bigger. Unfortunately, it smelled like dog urine, so we got moved to an even better room on floor 5. After we got settled we ventured out into Asheville, a unique journey to say the least. It started off normal until we hit downtown. Now, imagine if an Ungrateful Dead concert was happening and the Beatles and Nirvana were the opening act. Now imagine the variety of people who would attend this concert, which is the populace of Asheville in a nutshell. To sum it up I saw (or experienced): I man dressed as a nun ridding a hot red double decker bicycle, a man with a five foot Mohawk, a dog with jewelry, and a woman with no top on protesting womens freedom rights. Of course I got a picture with the topless woman, though she did charge me a dollar.  

 

 

I was also asked if I wanted to see a man’s penis while waiting at a cross walk, I laughed and gave him a thumbs up and he drove off kind of startled. Just to be clear he was most likely inebriated slightly, he was not the rapist clerk. All in all an interesting day.